Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to make out with him forever
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
