we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
