he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
