I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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