i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
