Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
