So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
