My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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