I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
