i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
