She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
