Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize