i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
