I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize