had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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