who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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