yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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