You don't have asthma, your pregnant
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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