In the future we'll all be gay
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
