i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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