also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
