mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
