Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
