i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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