sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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