You're completely useless in the revolution.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
