Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
