omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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