Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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