but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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