you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
