I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
