doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
