Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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