I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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