I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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