That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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