A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
