Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am naked and annoyed.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
