Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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