OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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