Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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