His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize