We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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