He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
