I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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