i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
