But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
