So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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