when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
