you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
