I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
