Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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