Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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