Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
