My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
