DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
two words...techno handjob
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
