were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
