You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
