make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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