He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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