You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
