hell yes lets make some ravioli
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
