nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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