i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you had me at cake vodka
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
