New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
