my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think your dad took our porno
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
