just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
