This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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