all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
