One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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