If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
