At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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