So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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