areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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