The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So many bounce houses so little time
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
