I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
