I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
